Oh wow, it's been a full week since the last post. How time flies when you're busy making progress
the main debates I've been contending with: being sociable vs being sexual, sexual possibility vs sexual pursuit, sexy vs fun verbal game.
Notable steps forward:
I challenged Mist to a 30 day battle where we see who can get laid the most, to give myself a kick in the ass. Check out the thread here
I bought some shoes, a necklace, a couple shirts which is helping me level up my overall style
I had a few girls check out my fit as I was around campus, as well as a blatant approach invitation in the library- it's working
I did some things to improve my ability to get over fear in general, like learning a kong vault and doing backflips on a trampoline
I've been talking to more people and being more sociable in general
I've talked to a few girls in the gym just to get in positive habits and break barriers of the mind
There were lots of other small steps towards my ideals, too many to put here.
Mission: open silently. Verdict: success. Thoughts:
This was a bit weird. A good way to get over social anxiety of "what if they see me doing x weird thing"
something GREAT was when I got rejected, my very first thought was "hahaha fucken loser, how lame do you have to be to not engage w me"
(the end of this video
Great for showing intention on a street stop- your eyes and body must say "I am here to speak with you"
Mission: use reality paces. Verdict: success. Thoughts:
There is a difference between reality pacing and verbal game in general. I think of 'verbal game' as the flowery, evocative language used by others such as fog, lofty, and bacchus. While bantering and cocky funny comes naturally to me, speaking this way does not. I felt like a fool attempting to bluster my way through the interaction and get my reality pace out there. Unfortunately I am tired and am not willing to write out each interaction, so to summarize, most were pretty damn awkward. I was not able to fluidly express and explain the world around me and what we both must be feeling, which meant the girl was standing (or sitting) there listening to me attempt to come up with expressive words. Although, in 2 of the 5 sets, the main girl I talked to was nice and tried to help me find the words, which was nice. That just goes to show how much you can screw up and still be ok if the girl is receptive.
TL;DR: I tried something new and was horrible at it, almost like I had never done it before. Such is the path of progress.
Mission: get sexual. Verdict: success. Thoughts:
Long story short, I went to a party, and as I said I would from last time, I zeroed in on one girl, stayed until the end of the party, and flirted more sexually. For example, she scratches me with her nail I say careful, I'm getting excited, I misinterpret her comments, basically making it obvious that this is a sexual encounter. She ends up giving me a ride home but
had her roommate in the car
I didn't make anything happen so nothing happened. I did make a token effort to invite her to hang out where I live more than once, but it just didn't quite seem like that kind of interaction. Also, I may have taken an L to another guy chatting her up while I was going around talking to other people, so I couldn't tell how close I actually was at the end of the night. Oh well, that's from an extended social circle so I'll see her next week.
I did use some physicality to ping and see where I was (progress) and she was neutral, which I thought was weird because she was very responsive to the conversation. Maybe I wasn't forward enough, maybe (probably) I didn't do a lot of things that should've been done, oh well. All I know is I accomplished my personal mission and established my sexuality more openly, so I'll call that a W every day of the week.
One last note before I go to bed, on sexual possibility vs sexual pursuit. These are my terms to explain a phenomena where girls are definitely not platonic friends, but aren't ready to have sex anytime soon. The interaction just feels different, I don't know how to explain it better.
Sexual possibility = you're more than friends, there's definitely some attraction there, some light flirting, but no moves are being made. I have a few open loops like this, where it's like she has to know without a doubt that you want her in order for things to move forward.
Sexual pursuit = you've MADE IT CLEAR you're interested in her sexually, and now all you're doing is figuring out a way to make it happen.
I believe I've been
sticking girls in possibility mode due to me not being aggressive enough. Which brings me to my next mission:
burn her to the ground.
I'm in my hometown for the weekend visiting family and I'll go talk to girls when I'm out shopping and stuff. I'll be bumping into girls I'll never see again, which means I have no excuse to not make myself very clear about why I'm talking to her. Communicate clear sexual interest, and look for any possibility of a same day meet up, because I'll be gone soon. This is also highlighting the difference between talking to a person because you're sociable, and talking to a girl because you're sexual.
That's all for tonight! Sweet dreams.