Surveyor

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
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I've realized that the way I talk and think about girls and other things has changed and that not all of the changes are positive.
Change is natural and healthy.
The fact is that I'm overthinking all of this and intellectualizing it. Just as I routinely accuse others (in the privacy of my own mind at least) of doing.
Enough is enough. Going to spend more time in the field and less time reading GC articles. They're great but experience is the best teacher.
 

PrancingRabbit

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 30, 2020
Messages
64
Greetings Surveyor
I read about 2/3 of this thread after posting my first in a long time tonight and eating a bunch of sugar (it's 4am here). Your engaging here and doing this journaling strike me as really good ways to get more organized in your perspective. I've achieved that this and last year and am still grappling with long-held amitions that could never materialize, unwilling to let go of them and settle into a less than adequate vocation. One question I have, based on a few statements, is what you think your reward will be for curbing your obviously vivacious animal nature? Can you identify behaviors you could engage in secretely that you skirt simply because you have been convinced one way or another that heaven awaits-- out there, in the future-- but cannot be attained here and now? The Mary Oliver poem "Wild Geese" comes to mind: "...
You only have to let the soft animal of your body/ love what it loves." For me, and for you, I project, that includes heavy doses of exploration and performamce. Sexuality, in my estimation, is just another area to explore both these as well as other aspects of yourself. If your code says "Do unto others..." make sure you follow it impecibly; but don't interpret that or any other maxim narrowly. I am here because I don't have access to my killer instinct, but it's not because my mind is closed to some aspect of experience that I think gets recorded as a debit, but because of past trauma that has created a cognitive and emotional disconnect. I go deep into things and get lost in them. That's the risk, for me. For you, I don't know what the risk is. But it can't be that high if only a diploma is at stake; and there seem to be many, many opportunities to explore with young women who reached sexual maturation as many as ten years ago for the seniors. So...they wamt the D inside them...yesterday! More than that, they perhaps want authenticity. Someone who asks for what they want and says when they are disappointed, hurt, preoccupied, etc. (See this is what I struggle with!) Keep that and the wanting the D yesterday part in mind perhaps. Last thought (all being shared on a take what you like, reject what you don't basis) stems from your mention of hoping to have mates as well as female companionship but nothing that I saw of mentions of progress in this area. I highly recommend seeking out male companioinship of a highly intellegent, highly entertaining variety. I made a friend recently who brings a lot of energy to all his interactions and expresses his sexuality in that mode of explosiveness and always frames our social time as pick-up time. I absolutely love that and value it to no end. We have very different styles, but I'm just as crazy in my own way, but struggle being as vulnerable about my sexuality as he at this point. He's 44. We older guys have money, experience, access to drugs, and a lot of other crucial things going for us. If you find someone you feel safe with due to intellectual or vocational connection, that could really kick start your seduction journey. There is no substitute for first hand learning from others. It's inspiring, mind-expanding, and heart-opening in my experience.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
938
Location
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First off, thanks for this unexpected and thought-provoking post. You've definitely put forth some interesting points, although I think you don't fully understand my perspective.
And this post came at a very interesting point in my life, specifically a key point where I'm getting off the ground after narrowly avoiding a collapse.

Your Gospel of Chaos (in the alignment sense popularized by D&D) has a place, but I think there needs to be a balance.
what you think your reward will be for curbing your obviously vivacious animal nature?
Who said anything about curbing it?

Of course I need outlets, including sexual ones, or I will eventually go literally insane.

But simply letting go is easier said than done.

First of all, I currently live under quite cramped and limiting physical and emotional conditions. With parents and siblings who are very out of touch with the realities of the human spirit, not because of religion or anything but for psychological and other reasons.
Dealing with that first is more important than any other goal. Including getting girls.

I also am not the most stable person emotionally. So I think it's important to build a solid framework to work with. Otherwise I won't get anywhere.

And I'm not super worried about being called to account, now or hereafter, for going through a thoroughly necessary wild-oats phase. However, that doesn't mean that, for instance, I should bed a married mentor or colleague. Which, based on...certain specific recent experiences, could plausibly happen at some point.
because you have been convinced one way or another that heaven awaits-- out there, in the future--
For me it's not so much about a nebulous future heaven (which I do believe in but don't give much thought to) as the life I'm trying to build for myself and the accomplishments that I hope will result from it.

Achievements, especially lasting ones, usually come through discipline. The raw power of one's spirit and mind must be harnessed to achieve goals.


For a well-known extreme example, Alexander the Great (who, among other incidents, burned down Persepolis during a night of partying because his drinking pal's courtesan asked him to) only achieved the things he did (briefly and ephemerally) because of the impressive political, administrative, and military machine built up by his (very disciplined and utterly badass) father, Philip II.
but cannot be attained here and now?
The story of the past several months of my life is the story of steady progress toward my goals.
The Mary Oliver poem "Wild Geese" comes to mind:
Read it just now
For me, and for you, I project, that includes heavy doses of exploration and performamce.
I've known that for a while. All in good time
Sexuality, in my estimation, is just another area to explore both these as well as other aspects of yourself.
I couldn't agree more.
If your code says "Do unto others..."
Actually it goes a lot further than that. I tend to apply stricter standards to myself.
don't interpret that or any other maxim narrowly.
Part of the reason I'm here is that I don't live in a situation where I can fully live out my practical, philosophical, and spiritual ideals. That is the end goal.
because of past trauma that has created a cognitive and emotional disconnect
I have less of that than you do, but the limitations of the past 20 years of my life (esp the past 9 of them) were a mild chronic trauma.
For you, I don't know what the risk is.
There are risks. Both internal and external.

I also see myself as a person whose actions matter in the larger scheme of things. Even if they're not that noticeable, the world is the ultimate chaotic system and we all know about the butterfly effect.
if only a diploma is at stake
I take academics seriously because I want to and because I get more out of it than most people do. I'm not a conventional model student, although I definitely fit better into the college milieu than grade school.
It may be true that, as I've heard people say, most men in today's America are better off with two years or less of college, but I think if you're going to go further than that, you might as well commit to it and go all the way.
and there seem to be many, many opportunities to explore
I agree but...first things first.
with young women who reached sexual maturation as many as ten years ago
This is a complicated topic you've touched on. Let's save it for later.
for the seniors.
My campus doesn't have grad students, but the big-name one where I sometimes go to study (and approach) does. From the small number of very interesting interactions I've had, I haven't even scratched the surface of what's possible with them. All in due time
So...they wamt the D inside them...yesterday!
Only recently have I begun to understand how girls and women of various ages and backgrounds think about sex. And I hear you
More than that, they perhaps want authenticity. Someone who asks for what they want and says when they are disappointed, hurt, preoccupied, etc. (See this is what I struggle with!)
Probably my single biggest Unique Selling Point
(all being shared on a take what you like, reject what you don't basis)
Understood
nothing that I saw of mentions of progress in this area
Given that I started from nil, I've made a lot of progress and am poised to make more once I get back into things next week. Things that seem to happen quickly (like orgasms ;) usually result from a slow buildup.
male companioinship of a highly intellegent, highly entertaining variety.
Easier said than done but I'm getting somewhere.
We older guys have money, experience,
Two things I'm pretty deficient in for now :D
access to drugs
...
and a lot of other crucial things
Can u elaborate?
If you find someone you feel safe with due to intellectual or vocational connection, that could really kick start your seduction journey.
I hear you.
 

PrancingRabbit

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 30, 2020
Messages
64
First off, thanks for this unexpected and thought-provoking post. You've definitely put forth some interesting points, although I think you don't fully understand my perspective.
And this post came at a very interesting point in my life, specifically a key point where I'm getting off the ground after narrowly avoiding a collapse.

Your Gospel of Chaos (in the alignment sense popularized by D&D) has a place, but I think there needs to be a balance.

Who said anything about curbing it?

Of course I need outlets, including sexual ones, or I will eventually go literally insane.

But simply letting go is easier said than done.

First of all, I currently live under quite cramped and limiting physical and emotional conditions. With parents and siblings who are very out of touch with the realities of the human spirit, not because of religion or anything but for psychological and other reasons.
Dealing with that first is more important than any other goal. Including getting girls.

I also am not the most stable person emotionally. So I think it's important to build a solid framework to work with. Otherwise I won't get anywhere.

And I'm not super worried about being called to account, now or hereafter, for going through a thoroughly necessary wild-oats phase. However, that doesn't mean that, for instance, I should bed a married mentor or colleague. Which, based on...certain specific recent experiences, could plausibly happen at some point.

For me it's not so much about a nebulous future heaven (which I do believe in but don't give much thought to) as the life I'm trying to build for myself and the accomplishments that I hope will result from it.

Achievements, especially lasting ones, usually come through discipline. The raw power of one's spirit and mind must be harnessed to achieve goals.


For a well-known extreme example, Alexander the Great (who, among other incidents, burned down Persepolis during a night of partying because his drinking pal's courtesan asked him to) only achieved the things he did (briefly and ephemerally) because of the impressive political, administrative, and military machine built up by his (very disciplined and utterly badass) father, Philip II.

The story of the past several months of my life is the story of steady progress toward my goals.

Read it just now

I've known that for a while. All in good time

I couldn't agree more.

Actually it goes a lot further than that. I tend to apply stricter standards to myself.

Part of the reason I'm here is that I don't live in a situation where I can fully live out my practical, philosophical, and spiritual ideals. That is the end goal.

I have less of that than you do, but the limitations of the past 20 years of my life (esp the past 9 of them) were a mild chronic trauma.

There are risks. Both internal and external.

I also see myself as a person whose actions matter in the larger scheme of things. Even if they're not that noticeable, the world is the ultimate chaotic system and we all know about the butterfly effect.

I take academics seriously because I want to and because I get more out of it than most people do. I'm not a conventional model student, although I definitely fit better into the college milieu than grade school.
It may be true that, as I've heard people say, most men in today's America are better off with two years or less of college, but I think if you're going to go further than that, you might as well commit to it and go all the way.

I agree but...first things first.

This is a complicated topic you've touched on. Let's save it for later.

My campus doesn't have grad students, but the big-name one where I sometimes go to study (and approach) does. From the small number of very interesting interactions I've had, I haven't even scratched the surface of what's possible with them. All in due time

Only recently have I begun to understand how girls and women of various ages and backgrounds think about sex. And I hear you

Probably my single biggest Unique Selling Point

Understood

Given that I started from nil, I've made a lot of progress and am poised to make more once I get back into things next week. Things that seem to happen quickly (like orgasms ;) usually result from a slow buildup.

Easier said than done but I'm getting somewhere.

Two things I'm pretty deficient in for now :D

...

Can u elaborate?

I hear you.
I enjoyed reading your reply to my post to your thread. Can't really elaborate on what else older types offer in addition to mentioned. Hmm... Two things though- while looking for soft porn online earlier today I came across something on Netflix that really spoke to me vis a vis my idea of seeking an experienced companion. I recommend, therefore, you check out the documentary Liberated from 22:00 for about ten minutes-on. There are two scenes with a guy who really reminds me of what I envision the best of the best in seduction modeling when they approach using physical-based game. He has gereat logistics but I doubt he needed them. It's the blond guy, you will know when you see. Another pretty impressive guy is featured in a sandwiched scene, and the flick, if it is not already, should be talked about here adnausium, imo. Everything else- loved your thoughts-- good luck!
 

Surveyor

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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And so the Great Bounce-Back begins...

Limited time left in the semester, esp with some of those exchange students not coming back for spring...

Overall the static situation continues to improve, even the home front, despite some recent difficulties.

And those leads aren't going away. Mostly. If I do something about them.
 

Surveyor

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Rejection can hurt a girl's feelings. If one is to do no harm, one should try to soften the blow.

And sometimes it hurts to have to reject a girl. But to paraphrase Sunzi, there are some girls not to be approached/seduced/laid.
 
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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Momentum lost.
Overloaded with work in the coming week, and I had a messy night due to home front issues outside my control.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm staying calm.
Also, my personal logistics are better than ever as of yesterday. Things will get much easier over time.
But the body and mind have limits. Gotta get QUALITY sleep for as long as possible. Really I need double digits a night for a bit to regenerate.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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At this point, the main thing stopping me from scoring is my own physical and mental exhaustion.

So I'm going to deal with that first.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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One thing I've been working on lately is talking to people with intent and consciously treating them as sentient beings instead of running off default mode.

Also, I'm finally creating socials. New adventures await...
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Apart from progress with the last two posts, I did something wildly adventurous today. Unfortunately it wasn't a sexual thing, but it makes an excellent story and showcases my...other side.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Things are going well. Still fatigued but I'm on the upswing. Logistics is slowly improving.
Leads progressed a little today and yesterday. One seems like GF material, if that's what I want. She's been coy but initiating for most of the semester.

I've been putting more effort into taking control of my sexual energy. Being conscious about feelings, learning the Big Draw properly (although when I can get in state I prefer more meditative control methods), etc.

Lying low over the weekend, gotta catch up on schoolwork and improve business/logistics.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Good sleep is paramount. I shouldn't be up right now.

Love, even (especially?) FWB love, and sex will probably be good for my sleep/rhythms, both directly and indirectly. For now, sometimes it helps me fall asleep if I picture the aftermath of the conquest.


About that...I need to screen for girls who are comfortable with highly intimate lovemaking in a casual or friendly context. I'm not interested in what I basically consider hands-off mutual masturbation. Ok maybe a little, mostly out of curiosity, but it seems kinda weird tbh.

Passion romance ≠ intimacy, people! Totally separate things.

Frankly, if one doesn't feel comfortable sharing one's (more or less) whole self casually, one shouldn't be having casual sex.

This concludes tonight's rant :D
 
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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I think this is a good moment to remind myself where I'm going and what I want.

My primary goal, currently, is to build a framework in which I can grow fairly rapidly (I'm 20, just started college, languished during pandemic), in every way, in a sustainable manner.
This means, among other things, moving out.
More immediately, also means not wasting time, making the most out of each day and each hour (each minute is too advanced to work on for now), doing things sensibly and efficiently, prioritizing tasks, etc.

Anyway...

To the extent that I have the time and energy to do so, I'd like to make a push to get girls during the last few weeks of the semester. I'm more confident about making moves than I used to be. I have a good feeling about the week, if I'm productive overall -> in state.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
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The biggest area in my game that needs work (apart from logistics :LOL:) is probably flirty banter. However, I'm definitely improving.


Also, I'm only just starting to realize the sheer power of not acting like an NPC even when I'm not in state. Need to leverage it more, there's a reason why I don't have much trouble hooking.
Also, not being an NPC means you don't have something I wasn't really aware of called a "fixed sexual script". NPCs are not as good in bed as the likes of us 😏
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Logistics, academics, and game are regenerating slower than I had hoped. I think it'll be fine.

My main worry is that the clock will run out on those of my leads who are leaving in a few weeks.

Until recently I had crappy comms logistics and little social media, so I often didn't number close. On a small campus you'll often have repeat interactions (even on bus I've had one or two repeats), so why bother?

Plus I was more focused on building skills than getting results. Now, though, enough is enough. Time to go forth and conquer ⚡
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Great night, mostly on socials, but I need to call it one so that I get my schedule and workload under control.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Logistics is improving quite well, considering. Not like I can wave a magic wand overnight.

The next few days will determine how much energy and resources I'll have to finish the semester, both academically and personally.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Looking back at the progress of my journal, apart from the progress, the main thing that catches my eye is the fact that I'm much more brooding, stoic, etc. than I was a few months ago.

Partly it might be the changing seasons. Partly the life experience. And partly struggling, successfully, to make forward progress under a lot of stress in a challenging environment.

Being moody can be hot, but it can also get in the way of decisive action.

I'll figure it out.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Things are happening fast again.
However, I have a backlog of academics and logistics to deal with. That needs to be the focus. There are deadlines.

Building momentum both personally and game wise. It appears things will all work out.

But the kind of things that happened in the past three weeks must not happen again. Period.

I also until recently didn't work hard enough on building social connections.

It may have been wise to take it slow so far. But LA's "winter" is essentially upon us. The time to find partners is NOW.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
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That said, I need to reset my overall frame. The one in my early posts may have been a bit naive, but it was a sensible frame for engaging girls; neither platonic nor flagrantly sexual. Remember, on campus especially, I usually want to become friends if I can't get a particular girl. (Apart from my firmly held belief that the "friends" part of FwB is as important as the "benefits".)

Then, for a while, when my eyes first opened to the prevalence of sexuality in everyday life out in the field, it seemed like almost everything had something to do with sex.

Perhaps a truly balanced perspective will only come when I actually start having sex...
 
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